The Mundane

I'd like to take a moment to talk about something that is often overlooked. I want to take a moment to talk about the unsung hero of this story we call life. I want to take some time to shed light on the thing that everyone hates, but everyone needs. The mundane... Let's talk.

So, I'd like to start by using a reference from a rom-com that is very near and dear to my heart and something I often found myself quoting as I was able to start growing a few beard hairs on my face and becoming a sucker for an emotional story about getting the gal, HITCH. In the movie there is a scene where Alex Hitchins (Will Smith) is talking to Albert Brenaman (Kevin James) about meditating on the image of an iceberg. Now initially, Albert interprets this as a fat joke, but Hitch goes onto explain that the reason he wants Albert to do this. He says, "90% of your mass is below the surface", similar to an iceberg. Now what he means by this is that as people, there is much more to us than what we see on the surface. I.E. our job title, our interests, our car, house, clothes, etc... Or at least I like to believe that (some people never tap into the depth). I think this analogy is similar to what most people also experience when they have success.

We look at success or the pinnacle of some form of endeavor in our lives, be that sports, career, relationships, wealth accumulation, you name it, as the tip of the iceberg. This is the tip because we can see it (that's what she said). These are often the moments we share with our friends, family, acquaintances, hell even people we don't know. When we go on apps like Instagram and share pictures of us winning a race, or getting the fancy house, or standing in front of a private jet. Then we take those experiences and either compare ourselves to them, ("I wish I could...I wish I had...You're so lucky to...) and we feel bad or shameful that we haven' accomplished that level of status, OR it can drive us and motivate us to try to achieve more than we thought.

Now, I want to say that everyone who got anywhere was through hard work and determination. We all know that is not a brush that we can paint for everyone. Some people were given a lot in their lives, be that because your dad was VP of Fancy Corporate Place and you had an infinite amount of resources at your disposal or you had family ties/connections that allowed you to go to better schools, or get better opportunities etc.. doesn't matter. We're not here to talk about those people. We're here to talk about the other side. The 90% under the surface, the slow and steady tortoise who wins the race. The mundane.

In a recent post, Courtney Dauwalter (greatest female ultra runner ever, NBD) talked about this in a similar fashion about "plain old runs" and how they allow your feet to go on autopilot so the brain can get to wandering, LOVE IT (because I do this often). I want you to take a moment and close your eyes (yes, please do it). I want you to think about someone who you idolize, someone you look up to, someone you admire. Be that an athlete, a parent, a friend, a celebrity, and I want you to think about the success they've had in their life. Awards, bonuses, titles, medals, trophies, promotions, accomplishments, etc... I want you to envision that feeling that you get when your standing on top of whatever pillar of "success" that you deem important as you picture that person also doing. The reason I want you to do this is because this moment is fleeting. It's less than 10% (I'd argue only 1%) of what makes up the iceberg. It's the singular moment in time where the work you've been putting in manifests into a visible accomplishment that others can then see and go "wow, thats incredible." What people don't see if the 99% of the actual work that you have put in to accomplish that goal.

The reason that we don't often accomplish our goals is not because of the 1%, its because of the 99%. We never fall in love with the process, we only see and desire the result. Simon Sinek talks about it in reference to someone standing at the base of a mountain and looking up to it's peak. People want to climb to the top and get the reward of the peak, but never see the path between themselves and the top. That's because the mundane isn't sexy. The mundane isn't the cool instagram pic. The mundane isn't the girl in a fancy dress, the title at the end of a business card, the fast car, or the gold medal. The mundane is the iphone pic you took that one morning and only sent to your significant other. The mundane is the same bowl of rice and ground beef you've been eating for months. The mundane is lacing your shoes up again to go run the same loop in the same neighborhood you've always ran. The mundane is buying the right type of salad dressing because "it's her favorite". The mundane is stretching before and after the workout. The mundane is the unsung hero. The boring, ugly, tumultuous, bland, work that goes into what only others see a glimmer of atop a podium. That is why we skip out on the mundane and try to jump right to the top. We buy fancy gear to help us, or try some crazy new exercise, or say all the "right words", or a fancy new pill, to bypass all of the actual work it takes to become great. To bypass all the actual work it takes to build a good relationship. To bypass all the actual work it takes to get the promotion, the medal, the title, the girl, the house....

I think we often get this grandiose idea of what our lives are supposed to be or look like. We live in a very comparison based world where often we look at the "10%" of life that other people post and find ourselves comparing ourselves to others. I think that from that comparison we draw insecurities in our own lives, decisions, actions, and in doing so seek things that we believe will "make us happy." We think that the fancy car, the nice house, the expensive haircut, or some other arbitrary thing is what we are needing in our lives to get fulfillment or to feel loved or whatever emotion you're seeking. Yet, in reality this is all just a sham. We're chasing something that will ultimately leave us doing exactly that, chasing. We think initially it's just this one thing, and that will make us happy. Then that turns into another, and another, and another, and one day you look back on your life and realize you were chasing things that didn't matter with people you didn't actually care about, but the constant pursuit of something to fill the void of what we believe will make us love our life. It's in the mundane moments that build a strong foundation. It's the small details that ultimately add up to those fleeting and momentary grandiose moments. Whether you're going on a date with a stranger, 2 decades into a marriage, or finding your way through a new career. The lessons, the growth, the trust, the respect, the everything, actually resides in the mundane.

I once wrote an article that talks about how humans are like water and we take the path of least resistance. I totally get that still to this day. I could quote from Outliers (10,000 hour rule), or Chop Wood, Carry Water (fall in love with the process not the result), or many other books. The one I'm currently reading feels appropriate. It's called the war of art. In the book they talk about resistance. This ever present muse that is fighting against us and wanting us to take the easy path. To seek only the 10% above water rather than the 90% below the surface. I'm telling you now, the grass isn't always greener and we all have to live with our decisions. There is no easy path. There is no shortcut. There is no fast path nor is there a quick fix. It's through day in and day out work. Slow, tedious, bland, mundane work. You can't bypass it. I have many days where I feel this resistance so I'm not speaking from a place higher than anyone, what I'm saying is... keep showing up. You'll stare at your shoes, sit in your car, want to eat the cookie, want to lay on the couch, want to take the path of least resistance. Keep chipping away. Keep doing those small things that you don't want to do and focus on and fall in love with the process. The mundane is your best friend. It sexy in it's own way and will lead you down a path that will allow you to become more than you ever dreamed of. We all have 24 hours in a day and Rome wasn't built overnight... So, what will you decide to do today? Give in to resistance? Or embrace the mundane.

On purpose,

Matt