I'm sitting here on my couch, rewriting this article again. You see I wanted to start this article with a story about how I hated being told what to do as a kid and how the paradigm flips when you become an adult and you're unsure of what to do or where to go. I think I'd rather go the more raw route after a rougher emotional weekend. My friend Hannah just left after picking up her dog that I was watching. She had a race this weekend that didn't go her way. Ultra marathon racing is a multi-varied equation that rides a delicate balance, easily thrown into chaos in a matter of what seems like moments. I think we both were in a fairly sensitive state, to say the least. We had muted conversation about the race amongst bites of some stir fry I had made, all the while holding in my emotions about my thoughts from this weekend. You see Hannah is one of my closest friends for many reasons, but one of the main ones being her support through some very rough times in my life recently. A relatively recent heartbreak, that left me questioning my perception of the world, my ability to know people, and my ability to understand who I am... and a loss in my life, making me question the positive in anything and the purpose of it all. Upon her leaving, I let it all out. She's seem me cry many times over these things, but today just felt different. As I sit here on my couch crying yet again, wondering when it'll get better, when it'll get easier, when I can finally be myself again, I come back to this topic. Something I've been mulling on for quite some time. There is no user manual for life.

I don't want this to be a cry for help, so please don't interpret it that way. We all have struggle, we all face suffering, we all are working through a multitude of issues and there are so many good things going on in life. I believe writing is one way for me to help process my thoughts, to get them out of my head and onto something where I can see them. Where I can begin to break them down and process them. That is all this is. As I see myself going through and dealing with my own issues I turn to the regular solutions. Therapy, talking to friends, working out, maintaining all of my routines, doing difficult things, trying to unpack my mind and my thoughts. You see in most aspects of our lives we can find some sense of direction, some sense of structure. Examples being; Ikea shelving, car problems, how to tie dye a shirt, and even the 5 best online businesses to start in 2023 to pursue your "travel dream". In today's world we have access to every piece of information to solve almost any problem in our lives. We even get a manual often times, on how to do EXACTLY what it is we are trying to accomplish. Step by step instructions with labeled parts and even links to videos of other people doing what we want to do.

So, in this instance you would think that just like all other ideas and concepts in our life we could just follow a few quick steps, watch a few tutorials, and presto... problems solved. 4 quick steps to start your online dream business today. 7 fast ways to lose that stubborn belly fat. The proven 11 secrets to success. A 3 step checklist on how to know what to do next. All this information, and all these processes to help us accomplish everything. Yet, still I sit on this couch. Writing this article. Listening to sad songs. wondering how? Wondering why? Because while it seems I'm doing all the "right" things and taking the "right steps" I still have so many doubts, so many breakdowns, so many times where I want nothing more than all of the pain to just stop. In the same instance as well, at that time period in my life, I was doing all the "right" things. Fostering a strong base for a relationship, putting in the time and effort, everything seemed to be going the "right" way. Yet, it all came crumbling. Chaos strikes right in the middle of all the order. I know that time is supposed to heal wounds, but as I've said in other articles, I don't know that it does. I think we just change and we develop scars that we become numb to. We become stronger, we become resilient, but also maybe jaded and emotionless towards that time in our lives. All the while you have people, information, ideas, concepts, surrounding you. You are getting things done, being attentive to your work, maintaining your routines, biding time with friends. Yet there's this weird space between the you that is doing things and the you inside. It's almost as if you're in a video game, watching your life unfold from a third party view. Doing things and saying things and going through the motions, without a true sense of actually being in that moment. Only a sense of continuing to maintain the status quo of your life while you try to process what is happening on the inside.

You see, I think the most important conversations we have are the ones we have with ourselves. Only we can see and hear what is going on on the inside. No one else knows the pain, the suffering, the agony that you go through on a day to day basis. No one can see or hear or understand your perception and how you process the world as it lays before us. I believe partially, this is because we live in a filtered world. People who only post "the good stuff". People who utilize filters for their pictures and videos. People who inject all sorts of things into their face and lips. People who say one thing, and do another. I'm not sitting here pointing the finger of blame, I am plenty guilty of these things as well (I literally edit photos for money). What I am saying though is it's hard to weed through all the bullshit to find the real in people. More importantly... to find the real in yourself. To understand who you are and what you are capable of. You see, only YOU know that answer. No one can realize your potential or understand how exactly you'll get to where you need to be. "When I don't know myself, I serve you. When I do know myself, I am you." So, while often times we seek advice and counsel in hard times, the road that will lead you to the answer you want... must be walked alone. As hard as that is to hear and as hard as it feels to be lost in your own emotions and mind, it's true. What worked for someone else, may not work for you. What has helped in the past, may not help this time. While support is important and alot of these things can help push us closer, I believe we are the one that has to cross the finish line. There is no user manual for your life. Each persons situation is so individual. So different and unique, from what skills we were blessed with to what road blocks we'll have. All of this shaping our perception and understanding. What seems to be the only viable solution is to keep going, to forge ahead, to keep doing what you believe to be right and to have faith in the human spirit.

There is no user manual. There is no black and white situation where you can flip to page 19 and ensure that your crumble coffee cake (gluten free) has the right amount of baking soda. We don't get a user manual for life. You don't get a glossary of terms, a how to section, or a step by step guide. YOU are the only one who will walk the path of your life. YOU are the only one who will know how to overcome your situation. Problems will arise, suffering will be waiting, that is a guarantee. Just because someone else has experienced something you have does not mean what they did to get through it will work for you. Or if you are even experiencing the same feelings/emotions/thoughts that they had in that moment. While some advice can help and may help you get through some tough times, ultimately you will walk that final path alone to get to your understanding/answer/acceptance/goal. Also, in a world full of fake, be weary of unearned wisdom. To know and understand is to walk a path. Listen, I'm not that smart. I know I also probably sound preachy or some form of egotistical "I know how to solve all problems" sermon on the mount type of person. I can reassure you I'm not. I struggle with many things every single day, see above. I wish I knew how I could get through a lot of things. Im still going through a lot, and I'm still struggling... A LOT, but here I am. Another day gone by, still grateful to be alive. Grateful to have to opportunity to face my suffering and my trials and tribulations once again. It is better to head to the dragons lair every day to face that dragon, then to wait for him to show up on your doorstep.s

On purpose,

Matt

"Do what you can do, while you fix what you can fix."